Hope

I once said that hope was a cruel joke. It is if you are not accepting of God’s will. Or to put it another way, it is painful when you don’t get your way.

I now view hope as a longing for understanding and acceptance of God’s will.

I think this is the result of a coalescence of a lot lessons, observations and experiences, many of which I have posted about.

I should be unhappy right now. Sales are not going that well, I am trying to save my house, and the holidays are near. (Single people get depressed during the holidays.)

Why am I so happy? I have hope. I am in love with the triune God and I can feel His love for me. I have the realization that letting go of my will and letting Him do what he wants with me and my life is the best way to proceed. I trust Him with every aspect of my life and I beg Him to help me surrender more. This is freedom. This is hope.

I still sin. I am not a saint. It hurts me more the older I get. The difference is that I am more aware of His love and the Holy Spirit comforting me in my remorse. I know that I am not alone in the battle to NOT sin. I want to make God smile and be proud and I know that He knows that.

I still pray for a wife, more sales and to keep my house, but I pray with a different perspective. I put in my requests with the hope that they are the same as God’s will. Then I let them go. I am free of them because I know that whatever He decides is the best for me. He is, after all a tiny bit smarter, a little more powerful and no one loves me more.

So I just can’t be stressed or worried or unhappy. My sins are the only things that bug me.

Loneliness, pressure from the boss and not knowing about my house are just ways to unite myself to Christ. They are different and beautiful prayers. They are painful and joyous at the same time.

The Holy spirit lives in us. How can we be unhappy?