The Void

Dear Teens,
You have not asked any questions for me to answer. After much prayer I wish to address a deep subject with hope that it will help you in some way. The void.

For years now I have been praying that God will show me areas of my life that we (God and I) need to fix in order for me to become a better participant in His will. He has been working with me to correct pride, greed, road rage, impatience, and many other negative things. At the same time He has increased the time I spend in prayer, contemplation, and adoration.

My recognition that I was trying to fulfill legitimate needs in non-legitimate ways and my want to love Him better and more is what caused me to ask Him to change me.

There is fear in change. I am so comfortable in these ways of filling my needs. I am not fulfilled, but it is the only thing I know.........garbage is good when it is the only food you know. I had to let go of my comfort zone and let God feed me.

For instance: I was always told that impurity is a sin. My need to love and be loved is real and good. My way of filling the need often led me to confession. Guys know what I am talking about. For girls/young women it is the need to be accepted and loved by a man at the expense of your dignity. I prayed and prayed and when my frustration broke my pride and I let go, God delivered. He led me to Theology of the Body. I learned it and embraced it and my desire to use woman changed.

When that happened, when I stopped my behavior to embrace the truth, when my desire changed, a void was noticeable. I had to learn a new behavior. When I catch myself getting angry at a driver and my desire to love them replaces my anger, a void is present. I am not doing what I have always done.

I am now letting go of my bad habit of living in the future or the past. Why do I do this I asked in prayer. The answer is that the truth about the present hurts and I am trying to avoid it. My desire to live in the present and to take up my current situation because it is what God wants, forces me to let go of a way of thinking that I have been doing for longer than most of you reading this have been alive. The painful VOID is here.

What do you do with the void, the emptiness?

If I do it my way, I am not fulfilled and I hurt God and myself. When I surrender and do it His way, I get the void. It seems that I can't win.

My solution has three parts:
1) I unite my pain with Christ. If He can suffer and die for me, for the will of the Father, how can I be selfish? At least I am loving people and God more than myself.
2) I trust Him. How can I not trust Him? Look what He has done for us. Who else can I trust?
3) I pray to Him to fill the void(s). There is a reason for the void(s). His way or no way. The devil will try to fill it. he will suggest sinful ways.........No, not for me.
My pain is a prayer. I know He will fill the void(s) when He is ready. I trust Him.

There will be voids in your life. The battle for your soul is real. Don't escape, you can't. I know I have tried. God loves you and so do His servants (like me, my team here, your parents, your priest and others).

I hope this helps.
Paul

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