Monday, January 26, 2015

Priority of my Prayers

I am still doing deep meditations so this will be short. In prayer I have been asking who or what are the priorities to pray for. Conversion of souls, the end of abortion, this nation, the hungry... There are so many people and issues to pray for. What is the most important?

The answer came to me this morning. These are and equal in importance: The people that I am assigned to. (God is helping them through me), The people assigned to help me (with God's help) and my conversion so that I might have Providence.

All the other causes and people need prayers and are important.

Sunday, January 18, 2015


I am in an awakening part of the healing process of the "Forty Weeks, An Ignation Path to Christ" so I don't have much this week. This week I did have an insight as to the purpose of all things.

I was meditating on my vices and habits that are attached to them when I asked: What is the purpose of anything and everything? Going beyond the simple reason: the table's purpose is to hold things.

Directly or indirectly, the purpose of everything is the conversion of souls to Love witch is God.

God or Love is also my purpose and He helps me fulfill that purpose by being my partner, my will, my future, my healer....

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Update on 40 weeks

The reason I have not posted in a while is because of some personal developments I in my progress with the "40 Weeks" workshop. Everyone has had events in their childhood that shape the way they think. The events that are bad create unhealthy behaviors based on fear and other things. They become barriers to the full potential of the future adult. Over the years I have been able to find some of mine and clean the wound, sort of speak, by looking at the event with an adult mind. When the wound is cleaned the behavior based on that event changes for the better. This is dysfunctionality.

Visualize a building with some rotten or twisted wood in the foundation and all the wood coming from those bad pieces being not good. If you replace the bad foundation wood with good wood, then all the wood connected to it automatically becomes good.

Visualize a computer program that is based on a little bit of bad information. All the information delivered from that program is a bid false. Correct the original flaw and all the other information it give out from that time forward is now true.

The reason I have not posted in a while is because this workshop is remodeling or me. Or, if you like the other visualization, correcting some original flaws in some of my programs.

I have been living with this broken house or flawed programs for my whole life. I have been unaware that I was this damaged. Now I have to get used to a better house or better data and when God's healing is completed, a new me. I am not used to my new behavior because it is new.

Monday, December 29, 2014

Fight Like a Child

I have been meditating on an unusual view of how to fight against my sinfulness and against those who would push their sinful habits upon me. Christ says to be child like. The humility of His birth, His death and His whole life demonstrate an aspect of childhood that we must imitate. The other aspects of preadolescences are obvious: complete trust in one’s parents and other learned adults, and inquisitive mind, a loving heart, the inability (or at least the unwillingness) to use another person for one’s own gain, and the frailness that by its nature makes a child humble.

To approach my own sinful habits with this frame of mind makes the fight easier. I have complete trust in God’s direction and I might ask questions to clarify that direction. I will also ask questions in order to see the worst case scenario and the best case scenario. The love in my “childlike heart” will push me to be selfless. The understanding that I have far less intelligence than God and far less understanding of anyone’s situation then God, keeps me dependent on His help in all my decisions and keeps me from judging others.

When someone tries to teach a child, the child asks a lot of questions. The child genuinely tries to understand what is being taught and why. When someone tells me that sex before marriage is okay because it will lead to a better marriage, I ask them how it does that. I ask them for statistics and resources to back it up. I do so with the tonal and voice inflections of an inquisitive child. I will then begin to ask questions that I already know the answer for in an effort to let them see for themselves the error in their way of thinking. This method can be applied to most secular arguments presented to me.

Have you ever marveled at a small child’s hug? Have you ever been envious of the way a small child plays? Small children do almost everything with a loving joy that oozes out of them. With God’s grace I can be like that. That is true evangelization. Others will want to be like that and will ask questions.

Sunday, December 21, 2014

This week in my meditations on the “Forty Weeks” study, I began a real hard look at myself. The study teaches, by way of St. Ignatius ‘own experiences, to identify sinful habits and visualize the end result. It also helps a person visualize what a waste of time these habits who are.

I am asking myself:  “Who is my God?” When I get done with work, and want to relax, who do I turn to? I turn to TV and vodka. When I can’t sleep at night, what do I think about? I think of “what if” scenarios and women. When I am depressed or happy, what do I do? I Pray and eat (at least I got half of that right). God is allowing me to see my ugliness. I have given my will to God in words and mind but not all of my actions and heart.

I have a new vision for the scenarios above. When I get done some work and need to relax, I will sit quietly and thank God, visualizing resting on his lap and have only one drink of vodka. I will read more then I watch TV, and if I have time exercise. When I can’t sleep at night, I will pray and ask God for more trust in Him. When I get dressed or happy, I will pray and remember the temple (my body) must be maintained properly. (A fit body is better that a fat and lazy body)

I have gotten all this from only two weeks of the forty week study.

In continuing my studies on “Forty Weeks” this last week St. Ignatius talks about the beautiful person God would make us into if we just understood how powerless we are. This has fostered my prayers for perspective. I have a habit of visualizing the future. I visualized the worst case scenario and the best case scenario.

What if I did not ask for the grace of God to see myself as the powerless person that I am? What if I continued to take, or to keep, the power of my choices?  (If you’ve been reading this blog you know of my struggles to give everything, including my will, to God. I still have a long way to go). In five years or even ten years, I would probably still be struggling with my sins and not sleeping well and all of the other and non-peaceful side effects of that kind of life.

What if I did ask for God’s grace? What if I continued to ask for help from God? I know God is smarter than me. My ultimate dream of loving people to my full capacity would be fulfilled by me realizing that I can't love anybody without God’s help. In five or ten years how many people will be exposed to God’s love because I opened my heart, mind, will and body to the Holy Spirit's plan?

When St. Ignatius died, how many people did he see in Heaven that were directly affected by his recognition of his own powerlessness and his willingness to let God make him according to God’s will? There is no time in Heaven so he saw people, like me, that were affected by him (God through him) that he had not even met.

My vision, or my visualization, is Jesus Christ showing me all of the people that He affected because of my willingness to give Him all of the power of every one of my decisions and therefore allowing Him to sculpt me into the person He wants me to be.

Because of the intelligence gap I do not get to know what that person looks like. I do get the grace to choose in favor of God’s will. He is showing me, or I should say helping me be aware of, every opportunity that I have to sin. I feel the Holy Spirit the most when I am tempted to repeat sinful habits. It is a great help to have and to think about the vision in the last paragraph. The thought of people being touched by and knowing God because I chose to let Him form me brings me absolute joy and gives me a purpose. The salvation of souls is the goal. Providence is the most effective way to achieve the goal. The way to Providence is by being powerless and letting God do the work.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Forty Weeks

I am sorry that I missed last week.  I have been taking time to reflect on how I can better my relationship with God. It seems that the same things come up all the time. I did have a small breakthrough when I realized that my frustration is leading me somewhere that only God knows.

There is glory in the pain and suffering of a person’s life if it is for a good cause. My cause is Providence (God’s will and my full participation in it).

At the direction of my parish priest, a lot of my fellow parishioners and I have started a spiritual exercise called “Forty Weeks” “An Ignatian Path to Christ With Sacred Story Prayer” By William M. Watson, SJ. From reading the introduction and first weeks exercise, I had to marvel at God’s timing. This will answer my prayer by showing me all my faults, cleaning out my dysfunctions and doing everything else to heal me. This will give God a humbler and more open person to form into whatever He wants.

I will post when the Spirit urges me. I cannot determine the frequency.