I said in one of my past posts, that I do not know myself because God lives in me now and I do not know God that well. I have been praying to the Holy Spirit about the discovery process. One of the revelations that came to me was that I should stop asking for God’s will and start accepting His will being played out through me.
In prayer in the morning I always relive my actions from the day before. I reviewed them to see how I could have done things differently, how much good God did (with my cooperation) and always to find lessons or corrections that God wishes to reveal to me (what part of myself do I still need to get to God).
As you know from reading this blog my trust level in God is at an all-time high and I’m trying to get used to it. In this effort it appears to me that I may have been too pushy in wanting friendships, or deepening existing friendships. I have a good friend that was pushed by a church lady when he was a small boy. From that point on he rejected the church. Last week I actually apologize to some of my existing friends for wanting a deeper friendship at a faster pace than they were ready for or perhaps wished for. Their response was quite the opposite of what I expected. They said that they did not see it that way. Whether they were being polite or not, I may never to know. I failed to look at things from their perspective (as much as I can understand them).
In this reflection I also discovered that I love people so much, and respect their free will so much, that I just want God’s will for them, whether I am in their life or not. Furthermore, I don’t even care how much I am in their life as long as it’s God’s will.
Isn’t that how God sees all of us? He says to us: “Here I am. I am your best friend. I will answer any question you have. I will help you anyway I can (because it’s God provided it in your best interest). All you have to do is ask me.” Then God it waits patiently. He loves us so much that He respects our free will. He may prod us.
I have to do the same thing with people. I admit I’ve had to learn this lesson many, many times over the course of my life. My love for people drives me. Because God lives in me, I am discovering that He loves them, and me, enough to wait for us to say yes to Him. I am now accepting God living in me. That means that people will see Christ in me and the Holy Spirit will guide my actions to them. It also means that I will get used to being patient because of my love and acceptance of who each individual person is. I must let all of my pushiness go. The Holy Spirit and God can prod each one of us according to God’s will.
God living in me will show Himself to each individual I encounter as He sees fit. Then we wait. It is a proposition to each individual I meet.
“Here I am. I am your best friend. I will answer any question you have. I will help you anyway I can (because I am not God) provided it does not go against God. All you have to do is ask me.”
Then I give it to God and offer any pain as a prayer for them and for more me to trust in God more.