Saturday, December 6, 2014

Forty Weeks

I am sorry that I missed last week.  I have been taking time to reflect on how I can better my relationship with God. It seems that the same things come up all the time. I did have a small breakthrough when I realized that my frustration is leading me somewhere that only God knows.

There is glory in the pain and suffering of a person’s life if it is for a good cause. My cause is Providence (God’s will and my full participation in it).

At the direction of my parish priest, a lot of my fellow parishioners and I have started a spiritual exercise called “Forty Weeks” “An Ignatian Path to Christ With Sacred Story Prayer” By William M. Watson, SJ. From reading the introduction and first weeks exercise, I had to marvel at God’s timing. This will answer my prayer by showing me all my faults, cleaning out my dysfunctions and doing everything else to heal me. This will give God a humbler and more open person to form into whatever He wants.

I will post when the Spirit urges me. I cannot determine the frequency.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

I Want to Give Him Everything!

Every year just before Advent, I take pause to reflect on how much of myself I have given to God. He has been changing me, at my request, for a long time now. A few weeks ago I realized that I had started to pray for a wife. I believe that this realization was the Holy Spirit was directing me to give my heart to Christ. My prayers shifted back to only wanting God’s will (Providence). I do not know if God wants me to be married or single. I don’t care.

This morning, in prayer, I realized that the middle of sleeping last night I had awoken halfway, and in a semiconscious state, given my sub conscience to God.

So I ponder, what’s next? I have given Him my sinful tendencies, my will, my body, my mind, my heart and now my subconscious (not to mention all of my possessions, friends, family, work, hobbies etc).
In the last three months I have gone through some very stressful situations. My relationship with Christ while going through those situations has allowed Him to teach me many things about myself and Him. The biggest lesson He taught me was about trust and confidence in God. God is my future, my cause, my friend, my will… And I am deeply in love with Him. He has proven to me over and over again that total confidence and trust in Him is the most fulfilling and successful action and state of mind that I can possibly be in. So I ponder, what’s next?

I have been following the Holy Spirit’s suggestion to observe how Christ runs my life and I am amazed. Even when I sin, Christ living in me points it out immediately and the Holy Spirit pushes me to remorse. Sometimes He helps people with great advice coming out of my mouth or me hugging someone. Other times events happen that seem out of order, but by the end of the day seem to have been orchestrated perfectly. So I ponder, what’s next?

I ponder, and I ask God, “Help me give you more. Change me. Direct me. Help me of observed You in me. Correct me. Give me Providence.”

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Sex Trafficking

I had a post about me and my journey in my head and ready to go this morning. Then I thought of all the girls that would not be with their families this Christmas or ever. They get stalked and studied in high school. They get courted by boys and men who exploit their vulnerabilities. They get taken, abused, beaten, rapped and a lot of time killed.............before they reach the age of 25.

Boys are recruited as scouts and some even know what they are doing. They do it for the money.

Most men in this country help this horrible process by viewing pornography.

On the right side of this blog, under the heading "SEX" are two links. "Defend Women" is for all you men. It will help you understand how the porn industry contributes to missing children. "Stop Sex Trafficking" is for everyone especially parents, siblings, uncles and aunts of girls.

Below, under the heading "Reason to Believe" "Pornography Help" is for any one with a problem in this area.

God Bless you all for spreading this post.

Saturday, November 8, 2014

The Pain of Trusting God

I am going to talk about my journey towards completely trusting God. At this time, I have a lot of situations in my life that I have no control over, and at the same time, I want them to come out a certain way. In prayer I  get the feeling that God is directing me to do nothing and that I will know what to do when He wants me to do it.

This frustrates me. I know that if I take any action it will not be the will of God. I know that in the end God's will is best for everyone in any and all of the situations.  I have given my will to God and therefore, am obsessed with Providence. I have reasoned it out. Still, it is emotionally painful to do God's will. Why? This was the subject of this morning's prayer.

Why in certain circumstances, is it emotionally painful to do God's will. Logically everybody wins when Providence prevails. Logically it is a fact that He knows every single person, loves them beyond our understanding, and will guide them in accordance with how much of their will they give to Him. So why am I in pain?

Oddly enough, the professional who does my taxes popped into my head. The United States tax regulations, rules, forms, procedures and laws are so complicated that I need a professional to prevent me from getting into any trouble. He has advised me to pay different amounts of money on different occasions and for different reasons. Every time I pay I feel pain. I know that he knows all of the things about taxes that I do not know. I know that if I do not do what he says all kinds of bad scenarios might happen to me. I cannot take that chance. So the pain is worth it.

Christ knew the pain that He would go through by doing the Father's will. She did it anyway because everybody wins when Providence prevails and He love everyone. I suffer because I don't trust God enough. And yet, at every turn in my life He has proven over and over how wonderful He is.

The conclusion of my prayer, or I should say, perspective given to me by God in prayer, is that sometimes God's will is painful and beautiful to watch at the same time. It is painful because I do not know what God knows. It is painful because I am not humble enough to completely trust God. It is painful because I am also (because of the Holy Spirit) smart enough to obey Him anyway. My love for God overrides my pride. Besides, suffering can be offered up as a prayer.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Jesus, Loneliness and the Holidays

As an adult every November that I have been single and not had a girlfriend has been very hard. It is that time of year when a single person becomes even more aware that there is no one to hold hands with, no one to hold in their arms, no one to Christmas shop with, and no really special person to be joyful with. I am talking about loneliness.

In prayer this morning I realized that this year I feel different. I admit that I seem to be preparing myself for those old feelings of loneliness because I don’t have a girlfriend. So why don’t I feel painfully lonely? I have been getting a lot of questions from my female friends about why I am still single. I have thought about this and determined that I have had to overcome a lot of dysfunctionality. Now I feel that I have come through it and therefore not afraid of any relationship with a woman, it still has not happened. Upon deep self-analysis, I am not insecure about anything that I can think of. It is a perfect time for girlfriend right? So why has it not happened? The holidays are upon us. Why don’t I feel sad and lonely?

I have a great many married friends. Most of their marriages are very strong, very loving and a lot of work. They sacrifice themselves for their spouse. Their “pain” is caused by their giving of themselves for the benefit of the marriage. Their “gain” is someone doing the same thing for them. If they have children, both of them sacrifice for the offspring.  A single persons “pain” is loneliness. A single persons “gain” is the freedom to do what they want at any time. In both situations there is pain and gain.

Married people are occupied by doing God’s will within the marriage and family. Single people are occupied by doing God’s will in other ways. For example: when I cook or do any activity for the Knights of Columbus, I am there for the entire event. I do this so that the married volunteers can spend more time with their families. When I do anything with others I make them aware that I am willing to help them any way I can. I am free to love others because I do not have a family that comes first.

From my recent posts you have seen a dramatic change in me because of my recognition, submission, invitation and acceptance of Christ living within me. God’s will is paramount for me. I have given my will to Him and now I observed Him within me. This year I do not feel lonely because I am not alone.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Out of Darkness

I’m sorry for missing last week. It seems that if you want to take a step forward, sometimes God allows you to see some of your faults in the worst possible ways so you can learn before that forward step. As you know from reading this blog, I have made it my obsession to have God run my life. God’s methods are very strange when he is starts answering the “big little prayer” (Change me). During this process God shows you some of your faults and then teaches you in the best possible way for you to understand. It is a fair guess to say that the method He uses is different for each one of us because we are different from each other.

These last two weeks God has shown me a lot of my insecurities, how they came to be, and why they are unnecessary. He has helped me fix bad character traits for years. Self-examination of a behavior, seeing the origin of the behavior from childhood and understanding the wrongful association of that behavior is the key. For example: I have been able to identify the fact that as a child I associated successful people with prideful arrogance. So I had to discover that you can be successful without prideful arrogance and with humble confidence.

By doing this method over and over again to myself, and in prayer, I can then be silent and let the Holy Spirit gave me perspective. The insecurities that I discovered these last two weeks, saw with an adult mind, and with the help of God, cleaned out and reprogrammed my mind and subconscious are too personal to discuss on a blog post. I did feel the need to share the methodology and to let all of you know that I am all right. I thank you for your concerns.

Many people come to me because I have the gift to guide them through this process.

I believe I am at a point in my spiritual journey where I am once again at peace. Those of you that read this blog and are my personal friends will notice a change in my personality. If you ask me about it, I will answer.

During these last few months I have seen the worst and the best of myself, questioned God’s methods and blindly trusted Him. It has paid off. I’m still digesting the insights of the new me. I said in one of my past posts that I did not know myself because God lives in me and I do not know God. That is still true; however I have a good grasp of who “we” are. I do not know the future, because I have given my future to Him. When I have digested this more, I am sure the Holy Spirit will guide me to post about it.