Every year just before Advent, I take pause to reflect on how much of myself I have given to God. He has been changing me, at my request, for a long time now. A few weeks ago I realized that I had started to pray for a wife. I believe that this realization was the Holy Spirit was directing me to give my heart to Christ. My prayers shifted back to only wanting God’s will (Providence). I do not know if God wants me to be married or single. I don’t care.
This morning, in prayer, I realized that the middle of sleeping last night I had awoken halfway, and in a semiconscious state, given my sub conscience to God.
So I ponder, what’s next? I have given Him my sinful tendencies, my will, my body, my mind, my heart and now my subconscious (not to mention all of my possessions, friends, family, work, hobbies etc).
In the last three months I have gone through some very stressful situations. My relationship with Christ while going through those situations has allowed Him to teach me many things about myself and Him. The biggest lesson He taught me was about trust and confidence in God. God is my future, my cause, my friend, my will… And I am deeply in love with Him. He has proven to me over and over again that total confidence and trust in Him is the most fulfilling and successful action and state of mind that I can possibly be in. So I ponder, what’s next?
I have been following the Holy Spirit’s suggestion to observe how Christ runs my life and I am amazed. Even when I sin, Christ living in me points it out immediately and the Holy Spirit pushes me to remorse. Sometimes He helps people with great advice coming out of my mouth or me hugging someone. Other times events happen that seem out of order, but by the end of the day seem to have been orchestrated perfectly. So I ponder, what’s next?
I ponder, and I ask God, “Help me give you more. Change me. Direct me. Help me of observed You in me. Correct me. Give me Providence.”